Donna Hemingway, 4-time former caregiver, is the creator and host of Caregiver Tea Time. In this episode she shares about the Emotional Freedom Technique called Tapping, also known as psychological acupressure for the emotions.
In this episode Donna shares how to do the Tapping technique and how she explored using tapping when she was in New York City with her son, who was getting treatment at a speciality medical center in the city.
Donna guides the listener through an example of tapping, which uses a set-up phrase and then repeated tapping at several sites on the body while restating a reminder phrase. The set up phrase states the emotional problem and ends with the words “I deeply and completely accept myself”. This phrase is repeated 3 times to start the tapping round. The reminder phrase restates the problem. Val also shares a particularly stressful situation in which her Tapping provider guided her through the tapping technique and the great relief she felt from the experience.
There is a link to a free EFT manual available for download.
Donna's special message: “Please remember you are totally worthy of being deeply and completely loved and accepted!”
(upbeat music) This is exciting.
Here we are in episode two of season one of "Caregiver Tea Time." Season one is all about managing our emotions as a caregiver. In episode one,
I shared about emotional brain training, a program I learned in my career as a dietitian. With practice and support, EBT helped me grow as a person and it helped me to have compassion and better communication with my husband,
who was going through his cancer treatment and recovery. I participated in the EBT support groups and I could witness how it was a life changer for many people.
And if you want to learn more about it, check out Episode 1.
And in this episode, I'll talk about the emotional freedom technique, also known as tapping. Like EBT,
it has a lot of research behind it, and it's been shown to successfully address many emotional challenges. EFT has been called the psychological version of accupressure
for emotions, and is used by certified practitioners. I want to share it with you because, honestly, there were times when I don't know what I would have done without it.
I explored using tapping when I was with my son who needed treatment at a specialty center and our insurance company sent us to New York City. Five years before I had experienced some very emotional and anxious feelings after my husband finished his treatment and I really never fully dealt with my feelings.
So we fast -forward to 2016 and I found myself going through a very similar experience with my son. It just felt like I was re-traumatized. I wanted to be emotionally present for my son,
not an emotional wreck. Traveling to a specialty center so far from home involved moving there for at least six months. And as you can imagine,
everything involved with that was very stressful too. In my situation, I had strong emotions that were related to my caregiver memories. First it was my 50 year old husband going through a bone marrow transplant and now it was my 24 year old son and the simple truth is that I just knew too much.
So after we settled in New York and my son was in the hospital starting his treatment, I met with a hospital psychiatrist and all I could do was cry as I told her my story.
She offered anti -anxiety meds and suggested I try mindful meditation. Well, I'm a do-er and sitting with myself for meditation was helpful,
but I really wasn't at a place where I could fully appreciate it. I felt I needed another way to cope with what I was going through because it was going to be a long journey.
I did except the anti -anxiety meds, and I attended a mindful meditation class. And there were times when I took the medication because I really needed it.
I look back and I realize, you know, things would have been a little easier if I had taken them more often, but at the time I was doing the best I could.
I was very curious about tapping,
So when I got to New York, I Googled it and I found Karen, a certified EFT practitioner in the city. I still remember finding my way to her office.
It was located across the street from the Empire State Building and I was pretty much in awe of living in New York City and everything about it. And I'm pretty proud of myself that I learned how to take the subway and the bus so I could get from the Upper East Side to Midtown,
and it just felt like a real sense of accomplishment. I knew how to get to where I wanted in New York City, and I could do it all by myself.
I want to tell you a little more about Karen.
It turns out that years ago, after the 9 /11 attacks, she had just received her EFT certificate, and she was one of the lead counselors who used tapping to help survivors of the 9 /11 attacks.
I was very, very fortunate to be able to work with her. She was so kind and compassionate.
Tapping has several steps.
It starts by stating a problem and then rating your emotions on a scale of one to ten. Next, use gentle taps with four fingers on the side of your hand while you're stating something called the setup phrase.
You state this phrase three times as you gently tap and then you move on to tap with two fingers on eight other sites of the body in a certain order while restating the problem.
The setup phrase states the problem then it ends with the words, "I deeply and completely accept myself." These words may seem silly at first,
but you still need to say them. Karen told me, "You don't have to believe them, but try to say them anyway." If it still feels like something you can't do,
then work your way up to it by saying something like, "I'm working towards deeply and completely accepting myself. While you don't have to believe it, it's still very important to feel that it's authentic.
So I'll go through a tapping example now. Let's say you're stressed out about what happened at the doctor's appointment yesterday. So first, you rate your emotions on a scale of one to ten,
and let's say you're a five. Start by tapping on the side of your hand just below your little finger and repeat the setup phrase three times.
" Even though I'm stressed out about that doctor's appointment,
I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I'm really stressed out about that doctor's appointment, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though that doctor's appointment really stress me out I deeply and completely accept myself. "
Then at each of the following points you tap seven to ten times with the tips of two fingers while repeating just the reminder phrase which restates the problem.
So I'm going to go through that with you now. The next point is just to the side of the center of your forehead where your eyebrow begins.
So, we'll tap there with two fingers and say, "Oh, I'm stressed out about this doctor's appointment." Then go to the bony part at the side of your eye. I'm so stressed out about this doctor's appointment.
Then under your eye, on your cheekbone. "This doctor's appointment really stresses me out." Then under your nose, on your upper lip.
"This doctor point appointment is so stressful." And then under your bottom lip just above your chin. "I'm still stressed about this doctor's appointment."
Next, tap on your collarbone and you can choose to tap on one side or the other or both. And repeat that problem. "All these doctor's appointments stress me out. " Then two inches under your armpit,
tap and say " these doctor's appointments are so stressful." And then finally on the top of your head, gently tap with your fingers in a random circle. And I like to pretend it feels like a gentle rain and say " these doctor's appointments are so stressful."
Now take a deep breath And check in on your level of emotion and give it a number. The goal is to reduce the level of stress each time you go through the process,
and it can be repeated as many times as you need until you get to the number zero, or you're open to the possibility of just letting this go for now and working on it again later.
You can really do tapping anywhere, anytime, and it works also by just pressing on the tapping points and saying to yourself the phrases,
or you can even go through the process in your mind without tapping. But I believe you'll have the most success when you work with a trained practitioner. Sometimes the problem changes as you're tapping,
and you realize that you're really upset about something else. I appreciated it when Karen would say the words first, and I would repeat after her. That way,
I didn't even have to think about what to say, I could just focus on my feelings. I'd like to share with you a big breakthrough I had in one of my tapping sessions.
We were addressing one of my traumatic memories, but also one of my biggest fears which was that my son would suffer because of something the health care team did or didn't do.
Well the reality is that the members of the health care team are human and they are going to miss things and they're going to make decisions that cause suffering but I have faith that they are choosing what they believe to be the good and the right thing But it still can be very,
very upsetting. So Karen guided me through this problem by offering a new phrase. And this is it. It's, "Even though I have this stress about what happened,
I forgive myself and everyone involved in the situation, and deeply and completely love and accept myself." I probably cried through the first few rounds of tapping,
and I think I could cry right now. But eventually, I felt my emotional stress level drop as though a cloud had lifted, especially as I repeated the part "I forgive myself and everyone involved in this situation."
I will always remember feeling that relief. Even now, as I recall some of the situations that I've been through as a caregiver, I catch myself thinking,
"Wow, I could tap about this." And fortunately, you can start tapping too. There's a free how -to manual that you can download from EFT International,
and you can find the link to it on my caregiver tea time website. There are also tapping videos on YouTube, and you'll find that some of them use slightly different variations of the words,
but it's the same concept and it has helped many people. So I hope you will try it and now you'll have it when you need it the most.
Coming up on our next episode of Caregiver Tea Time,
I'll continue to honor our theme of working on stress and emotions. I'll talk about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, which can be used together with both EBT and tapping,
and I hope you'll join me.
Before I go, I want to share this special message. "Please remember, you are totally worthy of being deeply and completely loved and accepted."
In fact, let's use that as our cheer today, and say, "I deeply and completely love and accept myself." So on the count of three, raise your hands and we'll say it together.
One, two, three. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Cheers!
(upbeat music) ♪ Nothing but the good things,
nothing but the good things In this world, living in my heart Nothing but the good things,
nothing but the good things In this world, living in my heart Caregiver T -Time was recorded at The Koop Studio,
Irvington, New York, engineered by Sammy Wags and produced by Bianca Grooves.